Story Submission by Chris, Age 19
I started feeling depressed about 6 years ago. I was young and I had no idea what was going on. I was terrified. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I thought I was a freak, so I hid it. I tried and I tried to force it back down, to force myself to smile every day. But the more I did that the worse it got, until I met someone else who was depressed and found out that they ___. So I thought to myself, “They seem ok from the outside, maybe I should ___ and it’ll feel better” So I did. But it didn’t. It became an addiction. I would do it every night, morning and sometimes at school. I would “accidentally” ___ myself when around people if I had the urge. It got to the point where I could barely move.
After about a year and a half, I decided to seek help. I went to the doctor and they gave me medication. And all of a sudden I wasn’t feeling depressed. But it came with a price… I didn’t feel anything at all. I was numb. I had nightmares. I woke up crying and alone. It got to the point where depression took over the medication. I became suicidal and I tried to _____. But people kept convincing me to hang on and so it became a cycle.
When I say I’ve been depressed for 6 years I mean I’ve been out of that cycle for 8 months. Why? Because I discovered a passion. I sold my old car, and bought my dream: an R32 Skyline. Buying that car didn’t just help my depression go away, it gave me something to look forward to. When I feel down, I go for a drive, or I work on my car.
The point is no matter how hard it gets and no matter how desperately you want to give up, DON’T! There is something, it will be hard to find and it will test you. But it IS there and there are people who want to help you.
If you or someone you know are having thoughts of suicide, please reach out. Call 13 11 14 for Lifeline’s 24hr Telephone Crisis Support or contact a mental health professional. If you are looking for other mental health resources, browse our Find Help page.
If a life is in danger call 000.